Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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