OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize