I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
