I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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