Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
