i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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