I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
