I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
