That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize