Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
