She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
