i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
