i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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