I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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