Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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