but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
