Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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