and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
