I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
there is glitter all over my balls
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