can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize