Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
