i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
