The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize