Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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