We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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