Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize