Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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