U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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