Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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