Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
