What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
