Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
