You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
