how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
