So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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