She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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