whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I wish I only lived at night.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
