I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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