i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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