i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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