Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
