The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize