you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
