The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
