I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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