my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
