paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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