I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Sorry about my life...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
