I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You were trust falling into bushes
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
