He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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