At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
