im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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