$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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