You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
