I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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