can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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