The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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