every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Success! We fucked roommates!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
