I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
