Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
