I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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