Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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