I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
