Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
