Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
His hands were made for my vagina.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
