My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
