I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize