he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
