Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
