i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
