You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
