Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
